Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
