i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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