that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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