Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
