Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My cat gives me a boner
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
