Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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