exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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