I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
