Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
