i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
