she peed on how many people?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
