Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize