Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
