I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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