Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
