i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
