i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We have started to decorate penises.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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