bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
