I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
