I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words āIce Cream Enemaā were spoken.
After everything Iāve doneā¦ had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey gamesā¦. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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