I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
