I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
