I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
