Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
