WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
