you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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