I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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