It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
