I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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