That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
