She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
