in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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