Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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