If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
