I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
