Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
