so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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