mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
