so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize