i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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