I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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