gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
