She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
