how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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