Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
