Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize