I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
