So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize