I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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