So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
