Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
