So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
