I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
