I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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