I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
