Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
