Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
