put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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