I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So many bounce houses so little time
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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