we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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