Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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