I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
