I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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