Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
