thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
