A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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