Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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