I just saw a hot homeless man
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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