The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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