did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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