Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
