i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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