Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I got inside last night via doggy door
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize