So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
