Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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