just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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