when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize