I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
