I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
