11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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