My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
