dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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