Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
