found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
