were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
