it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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